ALLAN THE MAN

Gilas did the hard work and brought a measure of redemption to the Philippines’ once-revered status in Asian basketball. That frees us up to goof around and imagine what would happen if the country sent some of the PBA’s most colorful characters and unique talents to compete in FIBA Asia events. Let’s do this.

PART 2: INIS PILIPINAS. 

Fouling, flopping, cursing, maybe biting — President Aquino better assemble a dream team of the country’s best diplomats, because this team is going to spark an international incident every time they take the floor.

PG — Wynne Arboleda, Air 21: The Snatcher’s professional career has lasted roughly 47 years, and he has seemingly grown more grizzled and rugged with each passing season. He can defend the perimeter with a forearm shiver, and we all know what happens when someone pushes him too far.

SG — Mark Yee, Globalport: It was difficult choosing Mark Yee over Ogie Menor for this spot… Wait a minute. What am I saying? No it wasn’t. Does any other PBA player have a YouTube “highlight” with the words “Sundot Scandal” in its title? No, not one. Yee in a landslide. Haddadi, better wear your jockey.

SF — Calvin Abueva, Alaska: He elbows, then he flops. He fouls, then he flops. He kisses, then he flops. He flops, then he flops. Abueva could teach Shane Battier a thing or two about flopping. He could draw a foul against an inanimate object. He could make the Dalai Lama pikon. He’s also one of the most gifted young talents in Philippine basketball, and when he learns to fully control his emotions on the court and play right on the edge of recklessness, Abueva will be helping the real Philippine team achieve its future goals.

PF — J.R. Quinahan, Rain or Shine: Fouls as hard as Beau Belga, but looks meaner.

C — Mick Pennisi, Barako Bull: Everything you could ask for in a big man who will drive all his opponents crazy. He’s not afraid to lay out a penetrating guard with a timely clothesline. He likes to give the finger to opposing crowds. He grapples and holds and scratches and often draws a reaction foul on the guy he’s molesting. He does nothing on offense — until he trails a fast break to hit a back-breaking three. And well, he’s also a willing, if not necessarily gifted, flopper.

Sixth Man (in 3 Words): Ronald Tubid: San Pedro Buwisit

Naturalized Player (in 3 Words): Renaldo Balkman: DON’T TOUCH ME!

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